Christopher: Knock knock.
Christopher Gardner: Who's there?
Christopher: Shelby.
Christopher Gardner: Shelby who?
Christopher: Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes, Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes!
Christopher Gardner: Hey, that's good.

Melissa: You really love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: If it gets cold enough.

Ramón: You just got to do exactly what I say!
Mumble: Okay.
Ramón: Did I say "okay"?
Mumble: No.
Ramón: No. What did I say?
Mumble: Do exactly what you say.
Ramón: EXACTLY what I say!

From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm gonna get you laid.


Dan: Knock, knock.
Drey: Who's there?
Dan: The Interrupting Cow.
Drey: The Interrupting Cow, who?
Dan: [realizing he's blown the joke] ... Moooooo.
Drey: [laughing] That was horrible!

Life is one fuckin' beauty contest after another.


I can't feel my legs... Keyser.


You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive.

Van Wilder

I let my haters be my motivators!


Classified: You were supposed to handcuff them.
Short Fuse: But, they don't have hands. They just have flippers, and I have flippers! So it's flipping useless!

It's a big blue-ish green man... with a strange-looking goatee... I'm guessing that's significant.
[hugs the statue]

Riley Poole

Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
Lt. Commander Block: I don't see any crab, sir.
Admiral Benson: Don't tell me. There were two crabs. They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis for chrissakes!

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