Bob Banks: What is that smell?
Jack Byrnes: That smell, Bob, is our shit. Focker flushed the toilet in the den so the septic tank overflowed.
Greg Focker: I told you, Jack, it wasn't me, it was Jinx.
Jack Byrnes: FOCKER, I'm not gonna tell you again. Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat for Christ sakes!
Larry: The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker.
What the fuck, man? You shot me in my stomach! I'm gonna die now, probably. Man, I had y'all over for dinner! Fish tacos! This is how you do me?Red
Bart: What's your name?
Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.
Bob Lee Swagger: Where are we meeting?
Colonel Isaac Johnson: Somewhere where I can see you coming from a god damned long way off.
Where the hell are my spanky pants?Courtney
Dan: Why did you fuck him?
Alice: I wanted to.
Alice: I desired him.
Alice: You weren't there!
Dan: Why him?
Alice: He asked me nicely.
Dan: You're a liar.
Dan: Who are you?
Alice: I'm no one!
[Alice spits in Dan's face. Dan raises his hand to slap her]
Alice: Go on, hit me. It's what you want. Come on, hit me, you fucker!
Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
Yoda: Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
Luke: Vader... Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
Darth Vader: You cannot hide forever, Luke.
Luke: I will not fight you.
Darth Vader: Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... sister. So, you have a twin sister! Your feelings have now betrayed her, too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side... then perhaps she will...
You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama.Mama Boucher
Arthur: You used to say, [lowers voice] "Arthur, you can do anything under the sun".
Hobson: I never spoke like that.
Arthur: It was a bit like that.
Annie Wilkes: YOU! YOU DIRTY BIRD, HOW COULD YOU!
Paul Sheldon: What?
Annie Wilkes: She can't be dead, MISERY CHASTAIN CANNOT BE DEAD!
Paul Sheldon: Annie, sometimes during childbirth, women don't survive. But Misery's SPIRIT is still alive... we shouldn't forget that.
Annie Wilkes: I DON'T WANT HER SPIRIT! I WANT HER, AND YOU MURDERED HER!
Paul Sheldon: No I didn't.
Annie Wilkes: WHO DID?
Paul Sheldon: She just died, slipped away!
Annie Wilkes: SLIPPED AWAY! NO, YOU MURDERED MY MISERY!