John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before.
Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
John Smith: What's wrong with you?
Jane Smith: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me John.
John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
[pause]
Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.

Eat it 'til you choke, you sick, twisted fuck!

Paul Sheldon

Lilly: [Speaking louder than she normally does] I think I have something that could help us.
Fat Amy: Excuse me bitch, you don't need to shout.

Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said "the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether." With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Abraham Lincoln

Miracle Max: Go away or I'll call the Brute Squad.
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: You *are* the Brute Squad?

God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

The Dude

Cindy Kim: Have you seen a Korean guy around here?
Hippie Student: Yeah, only when I open my eyes though.

Barry the Baptist: Hello son, would you like a lolly?
Little Chris: Piss off, you nonce!

Hey mister! I don't mean to be tellin' tales out of school, but there's a feller in there that'll pay you ten dollars if you sing into his can.

Delmar O'Donnell

[last lines]
Butch Cassidy: Hey, wait a minute.
Sundance Kid: What?
Butch Cassidy: You didn't see Lefors out there, did you?
Sundance Kid: Lefors? No.
Butch Cassidy: Oh, good. For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.

Claire Foster: Honey, If I'm gonna get whacked off, I...
[Phil snickers]
Claire Foster: What are you smiling about?
Phil Foster: No, no, we might get bumped off. We're not going to get whacked off.
Claire Foster: I think we are!

Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropic" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.

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