Stu Price: You are literally too stupid to insult.
Alan Garner: Thank you.

Borat: You like me? You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: Yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I'm not your boyfriend... okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Narrator

What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts.

Stephen

I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.

Ron Burgundy

Charlie Swan: What's going on?
Jacob Black: [pause] I kissed Bella.
[pause]
Jacob Black: And she broke her hand.
[pause]
Jacob Black: Punching my face.
[pause]
Jacob Black: It was a complete misunderstanding.

William Wallace: If this is your army, why does it go?
Soldier: We didn't come here to fight for them.
Soldier #2: The English are too many!
William Wallace: Sons of Scotland! I am William Wallace.
Second Soldier: William Wallace is seven feet tall!
William Wallace: Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if HE were here, he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse.
[Scottish army laughs]
William Wallace: I AM William Wallace! And I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?
Soldier: Against that? No, we'll run, and we'll live.
William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least for a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!

Gibbs: So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks.
Jack Sparrow: No. If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever we dont' have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?

Pamela! I no find you attractive anymore! ... Not!

Borat

Annie Savoy: Oh, where are you going?
Crash Davis: After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out. Besides, uh, I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.
Annie Savoy: What do you believe in, then?
Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

Jack Sparrow: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will Turner: I'd die for her.
Jack Sparrow: Oh good. No worries then.

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Police Chief Grady

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