I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!

Chazz Reingold

Thorny: Are you okay?
College Boy 2: Yeah, sure.
Thorny: Yes sir?
College Boy 2: Yes sir.
Thorny: No, did you say "yes sir."?
Rabbit: I think he said "yeah, sure."
College Boy 1: What'd you say man?
College Boy 2: When I said, "yeah, sure", but what... literally what I said was "yeah, sure, sir."
Thorny: So you are okay then?
College Boy 2: Yes sir.

At age 11, I audited my parents.

Allen Gamble

Jill: Is this yours? Did you write this stuff?
Jay: My girlfriend Jill found your speed dating card...
Andy Stitzer: OOhhh... yeah... right, god I've been looking for that speed dating card, thank you so much for bringing it to me.
Jill: So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"?
Andy Stitzer: Ummhmm... yeah..."hurtin' for a squirtin'", yeah i wrote that.
Jill: Oh, so you wrote, "hoe fo sho'".
Andy Stitzer: Yeah, I remember that girl, she was a hoe... for sho'

Ron, just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon!

Hermione Granger

Will Turner: This... is going to save Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: How much do you know about Davy Jones?
Will Turner: Not much.
Jack Sparrow: Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth.

Listen to me. I got no reason to lie to you. Don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women, kid. Not just one woman, a lotta women.

Grandpa

Oliver Queenan: Do you have any idea what we do in our department?
Billy Costigan: As a matter of fact, I do. I...
Dignam: Let's say you have no idea, zero, none. If you had an idea about we do we wouldn't be good at what we do now would we? We would be cunts, you callin' us cunts?

Dr. Jean Grey: You would die for them?
Logan: No not for them... for you.
Dr. Jean Grey: Save me...
Logan: I love you...

Uncle Rico: So what do you think?
Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess.
Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
Napoleon Dynamite: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
Napoleon Dynamite: You guys are retarded!

The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Ferris Bueller

I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.

Zed

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