I love it when women go to school. It's like seeing a monkey on roller skates -- it means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us.

General Aladeen

Borat: Do Jesus love my neighbor, Nusultan Tulyakbay?
Pentecostal church pastor: Yes, Jesus loves your neighbor.
Borat: [correcting him] Nobody like my neighbor Nusultan Tulyakbay.

No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty, I'm no longer standing, because if I am... you'll all be dead before you've reloaded.

V

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana: I don't remember.
Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going...
Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Brian Fantana: Damn it.

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Ron Burgundy

Madame, I need you to remain calm and trust me, I'm a professional. Beneath this pillow lies the key to my release.

Sherlock Holmes

[epilogue/voiceover] In the Year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland -- starving and outnumbered -- charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets; they fought like Scotsmen, and won their freedom.

William Wallace

[as he sees rock-like crabs] Now we're being followed by rocks. Never heard that before.

Jack Sparrow

Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator: No, no, I... don't...
Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn't?

Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.

Phil Wenneck

Yeah, thanks. Took the restrictor plate off to give the Red Dragon a little more juice. But it's not exactly street legal, so keep it on the down low.

Frank

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, theres something special about him...
Ricky Bobby: Because it was Jesus right...
Cal Naughton, Jr.: yeah..

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