Rose: I know what you must be thinking. "Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?"
Jack: No, no, that's not what I was thinking. What I was thinking was, what could've happened to this girl to make her feel she had no way out?
Rose: When the ship docks, I'm getting off with you.
Jack: This is crazy...
Rose: I know... it doesn't make any sense. That's why I trust it.
Ash: I got news for you, pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Sh**. And, Jack left town.
If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks, probably like a sea monkey right now, and I should let it get a little cuter.Juno MacGuff
Frankie Ballenbacher: You want a cigarette?
Zack Mazursky: No, I don't smoke.
Frankie Ballenbacher: Fuck that. It's good for you.
Narrator: Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo.
Jon Osterman: Why would I save a world I no longer have any stake in?
Laurie Juspeczyk: Do it for me.
Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Business woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
Business woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.
Greg: On your tombstone it will say always in the wrong place at the wrong time.
John McClane: How about Yippie-ki-yay motherfucker?
Sometimes I feel different. I walk around like everybody else, but inside, I feel like a stranger in my own life.Nathan
Frodo: Would you destroy it?
Aragorn: [closing Frodo's hand around the Ring] I would have gone with you to the end, into the very fires of Mordor.
Chazz Reinhold: So how's my protÃ©gÃ©?
John Beckwith: Jeremy, believe it or not, is getting married!
Chazz Reinhold: What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me.