Damian: Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh..."Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?
Cady: It's Cady.
Damian: Oh Cady, here you go, one for you... And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.

Jack Sparrow: You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?
Will Turner: I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.

Todd Flanders: I wish Homer was my father.
Ned Flanders: ...and I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.

Farewell... my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say, Do not weep... not all tears are an evil.

Gandalf

Rose: When the ship docks, I'm getting off with you.
Jack: This is crazy...
Rose: I know... it doesn't make any sense. That's why I trust it.

Jon Osterman: Why would I save a world I no longer have any stake in?
Laurie Juspeczyk: Do it for me.

Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... uh... African?
Liquor Store Woman: Was he African? He was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Business woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
Business woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.

Sometimes I feel different. I walk around like everybody else, but inside, I feel like a stranger in my own life.

Nathan

So now, alone or not, you've got a walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too.

Patricia

[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit]
Mr. Wong: WHALE HO!
Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!

Chazz Reinhold: So how's my protégé?
John Beckwith: Jeremy, believe it or not, is getting married!
Chazz Reinhold: What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me.

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