Eric Cartman: More people will come if they think we have punch and pie.
Kyle: [typing] Punch and pie.

[on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...


I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.


Torrance Shipman: Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out! I mean, right on! The Toros sure are number one!
Missy: [cheering] I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort!
[back to normal tone]
Missy: Okay, so I never cheered before. So what? What about doing something that actually requires neurons.

What's up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We're looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hos.


Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in.


Charlie Tweeder: Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.
Mox: What?
Charlie Tweeder: Listen. You give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.
Mox: [laughing] It's nice.
Charlie Tweeder: [emphatically] It's nice.
Mox: Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?
Charlie Tweeder: [not paying attention] I don't know.
[looks up]
Charlie Tweeder: What?

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!


There's only one thing I value and that's loyalty. And without it, you're nothing.

Paul Zara

Fredo, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?

Michael Corleone

It was all that Dan Marino's fault, everyone knows that. If he had held the ball, laces out, like he was supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?

Mrs. Finkle

Three... three people are dead. I... killed... them.

Maria Rossi

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