What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

Jesus Quintana

I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning ill get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see and uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll... crack your fuckin' head wide open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. 'Cause I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do.

Nicky Santoro

[as he smothers his father] I would butcher the whole world if you would only love me.

Commodus

Mrs. George: Hey, you guys! Happy hour is from four to six!
Cady: Um, is there alcohol in this?
Mrs. George: Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am... Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink, I'd rather you do it in the house.

In brightest day, in blackest night / No evil shall escape my sight / Let all who worship evil's might / Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!

Hal Jordan

Life is cruel. Why should the afterlife be any different?

Davy Jones

I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches.

Brick Tamland

Young Allie: What happens if a car comes?
Young Noah: We die.

I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it.

Ron Burgundy

Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Ben Stone

It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

Judge Smails

Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna.

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