You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... you jackass!


Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Why you doin' this, Doc?
Doc Holliday: Because Wyatt Earp is my friend.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: ...I don't.

Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just walked over your grave.

Doc Holliday

This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

Spalding Smails

Ricky Bobby: Nobody plays jazz at The Pit Stop!
Jean Girrard: Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender: We keep it on there for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.

Jack Woltz: Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. That part is perfect for him, it'll make him a big star, and I'm gonna run him out of the business - and let me tell you why: Johnny Fontane ruined one of Woltz International's most valuable proteges. For five years we had her under training -- singing lessons, acting lessons, dancing lessons. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on her, I was gonna make her a big star. And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I'm not a hard-hearted man, and that it's not all dollars and cents: She was beautiful; she was young; she was innocent. She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world. And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive oil voice and guinea charm, and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous! And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous!

I like this ship! You know, It's exciting!


[about Andy telling Trish he's a virgin]
Andy Stitzer: What if she laughs at me?
Cal: Then you punch her in the fucking head.

This is just like what the Greeks done at Troy. 'Cept they was in a horse instead o' dresses. Wooden 'orse.


[talking about Trish being a grandma] You should fuck her and then have her send you $12 on your birthday.


He's going to make a scene. The Volturi will kill him if he reveals himself in the sunlight.


Sick Boy: [Sean Connery accent] Do you shee the beasht? Have you got it in your shights?
Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [aiming the pellet gun at a dog] Clear enough, Missh Moneypenny! This should preshent no shignificant problemsh!
[shoots the dog which starts attacking its owner]
Sick Boy: For a vegetarian, Rents, you're a fuckin' EVIL shot!

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