Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.

Melvin Udall

Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...

Carl Spackler

[about Mini-me] Jesus Christ, he's tiny! I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap.

Fat Bastard

Mr. Wong: Remember, black people run very fast. But problem run faster.
Norbit: ...That's kinda racist.
Mr. Wong: Yes, Wong very racist. Don't like black. Don't like Jew either. But black and Jew love Chinese food. Go figure.

Buddy Kane: You like getting fucked by the King?
Carolyn Burnham: Fuck me, your majesty!

Nicky Santoro: Give me the fuckin' name!
Tony Dogs: Ch-Charlie M.
Nicky Santoro: Charlie M?
Tony Dogs: Charlie M.
Nicky Santoro: Charlie M? You made me pop your fuckin' eye out of your head to protect that piece of shit? Charlie M? You dumb motherfucker!
Tony Dogs: Kill me.
Nicky Santoro: I'll kill you. You motherfucker you! Frankie, do him a fuckin' favor.

Mmm, yeah, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too. We've got some new people coming in and we... need to play catch-up. Thanks!

Bill Lumbergh

Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That's weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.

Gang Bang Guy: Hello.
Mitch: Yeah?
Gang Bang Guy: I'm here for the gangbang...

Peter Llewelyn Davies: It's just, I thought she'd always be here.
J.M. Barrie: So did I. But in fact, she is, because she's on every page of your imagination. You'll always have her there. Always.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: But why did she have to die?
J.M. Barrie: I don't know, Peter. When I think of your mother, I will always remember how happy she looked, sitting there in the parlor watching a play about her family, about her boys that never grew up. She went to Neverland. And you can visit her any time you like if you just go there yourself.
Peter Llewelyn Davies: How?
J.M. Barrie: By believing, Peter. Just believe.

Lou Loomis: What's the sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No bare feet.
Lou Loomis: [picks him up by the shirt collar] What's that sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: What's that mean?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: You owe me one gumball machine. What's that candy wrapper doing there? Well don't you see it? Well pick it up.

[about Regina] I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.

Cady

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