Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!

Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

Annie: You read my diary.
Annie's roommate: At first I did not know it was your diary... I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Janek: Are you a robot?
Meredith Vickers: Meet me in my room in ten minutes.

The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

In America, it's bling bling. But out here it's bling bang.

Danny Archer

Donkey: You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Do you wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little tenderness! Chicks love that romantic crap.

Alfred Pennyworth: Why bats, sir?
Bruce Wayne: Bats frighten me. It's time my enemies share my dread.

John: This could very well be the greatest conflict between America and Germany in our nation's history!
Gail: ...Crack a book, John.

Tenth grade biology. Brachial artery... pumps 30 liters of blood a minute. There's only five in the human body. I'm sorry.

Jessica Martin

There was this mollusk, and he walks up to this sea cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke everyone talks. So the sea mollusk says to the cucumber...


John Bridger: How are you?
Charlie Croker: [shrugging] I'm fine.
John Bridger: Fine? You know what "fine" stands for, don't you?
Charlie Croker: Unfortnately, yeah.
John Bridger: Freaked out...
Charlie Croker: Insecure...
John Bridger: Neurotic...
Charlie Croker: And Emotional.
John Bridger: You see those pillars over there?
Charlie Croker: [looks behind him and sees the pillars] What about them?
John Bridger: That's where they used to string up thieves who felt fine.
Charlie Croker: After you.

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