You're not strong! You're silky boys! Silk comes from the butts of Chinese Worms!

Colonel Oates

Tom: Hey, How's the weather in England?
Hannah: I'm in Scotland
Tom: So it's sunny?
Hannah: It's 3 in the morning.
Tom: So it's dark?

Father O'Neil: And now for our second reading I'd like to ask the bride's sister Gloria up to the lectern.
John Beckwith: 20 bucks First Corinthians.
Jeremy Grey: Double or nothing Colossians 3:12.
Gloria Cleary: And now a reading from Paul's first letter to the Corinthians.

Mary: So you'll pick me up tonight at seven forty-five?
Harry: Well I got a few things to take care of. So how about we make it quarter to eight?
Mary: [Laughs] Stop it
Harry: Okay. Seven forty-five

I've had it! I've had it with wobbly-legged, rum-soaked PIRATES!

Elizabeth Swann

Wendell: You know, there might not have been no money.
Ed Tom Bell: That's possible.
Wendell: But you don't believe it.
Ed Tom Bell: No. Probably I don't.
Wendell: It's a mess, ain't it, sheriff?
Ed Tom Bell: If it ain't, it'll do till the mess gets here.

You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?


It's true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist.

Doc Holliday

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon: The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icycle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger... oh, and a pedro.
Miss Davis: ...a pedro?
Mox: yeah, uh huh.

Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet.
Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.


Now I swear the next one of you primates even touches me...


Adult Pi Patel: Faith is a house with many rooms.
Writer: But no room for doubt?
Adult Pi Patel: Oh plenty, on every floor. Doubt is useful, it keeps faith a living thing. After all, you cannot know the strength of your faith until it is tested.

FREE Movie Newsletter