Ben Thomas: I haven't treated myself very well.
Emily Posa: Start now.

Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.

John Doe

Deagol: Smeagol, I've got one! I've got a fish, Smeag. Smeagol!
Smeagol: Pull it in. Go on. Go on. Go on. Pull it in.

[to Wicket the Ewok] You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?

Princess Leia

Domingo: You guys even real cops? You look like kids in Halloween
Jenko: Hey! You want me to beat your dick off?
Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?
Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he's gonna punch you so many times round the genital area that your dick's just gonna fall off.

Gandalf: But we still have time. Time enough to counter Sauron if we act quickly.
Saruman: Time? What time do you think we have?

[Running] Okay, what am I doing? I'm chasing this guy. Nope. He's chasing me.

Leonard Shelby

Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?

Riley Poole

Crash Davis: You don't want a ballplayer; you want a stable pony.
Skip: Nah.
Crash Davis: Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month's dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, fuck this fucking game!
[pause]
Crash Davis: I quit, all right? I fucking quit.
[Crash exits the office and stands in the clubhouse for a minute before sticking his head back through the door]
Crash Davis: Who we play tomorrow?
Skip: Winston-Salem. Batting practice at 11:30.

Vicki St. Elmo: I'm a virgin.
MacGruber: Not for long.

It's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter inch piece of plastic.

Andrew Largeman

Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened!

Coach Bud Kilmer

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