Sounds like big trouble. You're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special messages. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of L.A. for at least 48 hours.

Dr. Gonzo

Prudence (Laura Dern): You see like a wonderful couple.
Jack Byrnes: No, no, no, we're not homosexual.
Greg Focker: Yeah, no.
Jack Brynes: No, no, no, this is my son in law.
Prudence: Oh...
Greg Focker: Yeah no. However, if you're looking to fill a quota, we can be flexible.
Prudence: Okay, that's an interesting joke but I appreciate levity in a moment of misunderstanding so thank you Greg.

You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.

Simon Bishop

A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to handle this trip.

Raoul Duke

Second base... shit.

Jake Taylor

Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

The Bowler

You are the greatest player I have ever seen. Besides my self, practicing in front of a mirror... which I do... everyday... in the nude.

Karl Wolfschtagg

The only mistake I ever made was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you Secretary of Defense. However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with. Mr. Nimzicki... you're fired.

President Thomas Whitmore

For the first time in my life, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do...

Thor

Michael: I was never in a fraternity. I was much too serious.
Kim: Oh, I bet you were 29 even when you were 19.
Michael: Put it this way. If i had to do it again, I'd do it knowing that after you graduate no one ever gives a fuck what your GPA was.

Colonel Isaac Johnson: I won. You lost. Get used to the idea, son.
Bob Lee Swagger: I'm not your son.

Becca Crane: Jacob, run!
[Jacob jumps above Becca and lands in his chihuahua form. Becca disbelievingly]
Becca Crane: A chihuahua?

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