Old Woman: Excuse me, but can you blow me where the pampers is?
Gutter: What?
Old Woman: Can you blow me where the pampers is?
Gutter: What?
Old Woman: Can you show me where the campus is?

I don't want to get you drunk, but, ah, that's a very fine Chardonnay you're not drinking.

Patrick Bateman

I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.


The bitch is dead.

James Bond

The only mistake I ever made was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you Secretary of Defense. However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with. Mr. Nimzicki... you're fired.

President Thomas Whitmore

Carl Lee: Ask if he thinks I should go to jail.
Jake Tyler Brigance: Carl Lee, they amputated his leg because you shot him. He's the prosecution's witness.
Carl Lee: You're my lawyer ain't ya? Ask him.
Jake Tyler Brigance: Your Honor, one question.
Judge Omar Noose: Make up your mind, Mr. Brigance.
Jake Tyler Brigance: Deputy Looney, do you think Carl Lee shooting you was intentional?
Deputy Dwayne Powell Looney: No sir. It was an accident.
Carl Lee: Ask him!
Jake Tyler Brigance: Do you think he should be punished for shooting you?
Deputy Dwayne Powell Looney: No, sir. I hold no ill will toward the man. He did what I would have done.
Jake Tyler Brigance: What do you mean by that?
Deputy Dwayne Powell Looney: I mean, I don't blame him for what he did. Those boys raped his little girl.
D.A. Rufus Buckley: Objection, your Honor! The witness' opinion on this matter is irrelevant.

I'm checking out. Thanks for the Kiss of Life.

James Bond

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It's hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...

Obi-Wan: What took you so long?
Anakin: Well, you know, Master, I couldn't find a speeder that I really liked...
Obi-Wan: There he is.
Anakin: ...with an open cockpit and the right speed capabilities.
Obi-Wan: If you spent as much time practicing your saber techniques as you did your wit, you'd rival Master Yoda as a swordsman.
Anakin: I thought I already did.
Obi-Wan: Only in your mind, my very young apprentice.

Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say?
Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"

[impersonating the dead butler's voice] My name is Vitolli, how can I be of assistance?

Lazlo Soot

Aragorn: Farmers, ferriers, stable boys. These are no soldiers.
Gimli: Most have seen too many winters.
Legolas: Or too few.

FREE Movie Newsletter