[narrating] I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.


Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?

Ferris Bueller

Evelyn: You lied to me.
Jonathan: I lie to everybody. What makes you so special?
Evelyn: I am your sister.
Jonathan: Yes, well that just makes you more gullible.

Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

You, you have weak ankles. One of your calves is bigger than the other. Too much makeup. Not enough makeup. What's with the skin? Say it with me SUNLIGHT. Male cheerleaders, enough said. Smile. Don't smile. Ah, good tone and general musculature. Report those compliments to your ass before it gets so big it forms it's own website! And you, I take you to be the captain, which means you'll probably need more work than anybody.


Pump it out Chief!


Steven: When you wake up tomorrow, all this will seem like a bad dream.
Emily: What if there is no tomorrow?

Hey Trish! I'm gonna find your Aaliyah looking ass!


My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father.

Dr. Finch

Bruce Wayne: Good morning. I'm here to see Mr. Earle, please.
Jessica: [without bothering to look up from her desk] Name?
Bruce Wayne: Uh... Bruce Wayne.

A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to handle this trip.

Raoul Duke

Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

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