[to Batman] Come on, I want you do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. *Hit me!*

The Joker

Television. Television is the explanation for this - you see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond shit never happens in real life! Professionals don't do that!

Paul Smecker

A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?

Wayne Campbell

There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of men for this treachery. My business is with Isengard tonight, with rock and stone. Come, my friends. The Ents are going to war. It is likely that we go to our doom. The last march of the Ents.

Treebeard

Barry Badrinath: I was in Thailand, playing Ping-Pong in Ding Dang. I was in a real high-stakes game in some opium den. Turned out the guys I was playing aren't the kind of guys who like to lose. After I beat them... they beat me. Worked me over pretty good. And this is hard to say... but they held me down... and they shoved a ping pong paddle up my ass. It's never been the same. I'm damaged goods.
Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Gosh, Barry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I would do if somebody shoved a paddle handle up my ass.
Barry Badrinath: Wasn't the handle. I've been shitting pancakes ever since.

Nick Fury: We have no quarrel with your people.
Loki: An ant has no quarrel with a boot.

Jim: Look at my hand
[raises hand and holds it level]
Bart: Steady as a rock.
Jim: [raises other wobbling hand] Yeah but it shoot with this one.

Jeremy Grey: [quarterbacking a touch football game] John! Red seven!
John Beckwith: I don't know what red seven means.
Jeremy Grey: Hot route!
John Beckwith: I don't... What is hot route?
Jeremy Grey: Will you just go stand on the other side please?

Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it?

Hermione

Ulysses Everett McGill: Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent.
Delmar O'Donnell: Ok, Everett.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Hit by a train! Truth means nothing to a woman, Delmar. Trying for the subjective. You ever been with a woman?
Delmar O'Donnell: Well, I... I... I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinking about that.
Ulysses Everett McGill: That's right, if then. Believe me Delmar, woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man.

Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

Lord Farquaad

Oh my God! That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my life! Can you tell it again, do you have time?

Seth

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