Employer: Did I say you could sit?
Carson Wells: No, but you strike me as a man who wouldn't want to waste his chair.

Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!

John Smith

[with a look of disbelief] Bananas don't float. You said the Orangutan floated to you in a bundle of bananas, but bananas don't float.

Younger Insurance Investigator

Capt. McCluskey: I thought I got all you Guinea hoods locked up! What the hell are you doing here?
Michael: What happened to the men who were guarding my father, Captain?
Capt. McCluskey: I pulled them guys off of here, eh, now get away from this hospital!
Michael: I'm not leaving until you put some guards around my father's room.
Capt. McCluskey: Phil, take him in!
Cop with Capt. McCluskey outside hospital: The kid's clean Captain, he's a war hero! He's never been mixed up with the rackets...
Capt. McCluskey: Goddamn it Phil, I said take him in!
Michael: What's the Turk paying you to set up my father, Captain?
Capt. McCluskey: [to Patrolmen] Take a hold of him. Stand him up. Stand him up straight.

Dr Ray Stantz: I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nice thinkin', Ray.

Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?

Prem Kumar: So are you ready for the final question for 20 million rupees?
Jamal Malik: No, but maybe its written, no?
Prem Kumar: Maybe...

We are card counters at the blackjack table. And we're gonna turn the odds on the casino.

Billy Beane

Congressman Weaver and esteemed members of the Special Armed Services Committee, I come before you to protest a grave injustice... It has to stop.

General Hummel

Virginia: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams *did* have a beard.

I do believe Marsellus Wallace, my husband, your boss, told you to take ME out and do WHATEVER I WANTED. Now I wanna dance, I wanna win. I want that trophy, so dance good.


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