Harry Doyle: That's all we got, one goddamn hit?
Assistant: You can't say goddamn on the air.
Harry Doyle: Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.

Congressman Weaver and esteemed members of the Special Armed Services Committee, I come before you to protest a grave injustice... It has to stop.

General Hummel

The message Hollywood needs to send out is 'Smoking Is Cool!'

Nick Naylor

Capt. McCluskey: I thought I got all you Guinea hoods locked up! What the hell are you doing here?
Michael: What happened to the men who were guarding my father, Captain?
Capt. McCluskey: I pulled them guys off of here, eh, now get away from this hospital!
Michael: I'm not leaving until you put some guards around my father's room.
Capt. McCluskey: Phil, take him in!
Cop with Capt. McCluskey outside hospital: The kid's clean Captain, he's a war hero! He's never been mixed up with the rackets...
Capt. McCluskey: Goddamn it Phil, I said take him in!
Michael: What's the Turk paying you to set up my father, Captain?
Capt. McCluskey: [to Patrolmen] Take a hold of him. Stand him up. Stand him up straight.

Randal Graves: Since when did "porch monkey" suddenly become a racial slur?
Dante Hicks: When ignorant racists started saying it a hundred years ago.
Randal Graves: Oh bullshit. My grandmother used to call me a 'porch monkey' all the time when I was a kid, because I'd sit on the porch and stare at my neighbors.
Dante Hicks: Despite the fact that your grandmother might've used it as a term of endearment for you, it's still a racial slur. It'd be like your grandmother calling you a little kike.
Randal Graves: No it is not. Plus my grandmother had nothing but the utmost respect for the Jewish community. When I was a kid, she'd always tell me to treat the Jewish kids well or they'd put the sheeny curse on me.
Dante Hicks: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?
Randal Graves: What?

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor

Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?

Curse you, tiny toilet!

Vector

Dr Ray Stantz: Every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world.
Winston Zeddemore: Myth? Ray, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason we've been so busy lately is because the dead *have* been rising from the grave?
[long pause]
Dr Ray Stantz: [Turns on radio] How 'bout a little music?

Dr Ray Stantz: I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nice thinkin', Ray.

Sarah Fenn: What are you going to do?
Bob Lee Swagger: Exercise my right to bear arms.

Maroni's Mistress: It's too loud in here, we can't hear each other talk.
Salvatore Maroni: What makes you think I want to hear you talk?

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