I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

Chuck Sherman

Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: Your's would be too... if you were a man.

These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.

Crazy Earl

What do you tell a man with two black eyes? Nothing, he's already been told twice.

Darryl

I'm one stomach flu away from reaching my goal weight.

Emily

Dr. Otto Octavius: Parker... Now I remember you. You're Dr. Connor's student. He tells me you're brilliant.
[Peter looks flattered]
Dr. Otto Octavius: He also tells me you're lazy.

Loretta Bell: Be careful.
Ed Tom Bell: I always am.
Loretta Bell: Don't get hurt.
Ed Tom Bell: I never do.
Loretta Bell: Don't hurt no one.
Ed Tom Bell: [smiles] Well. If you say so.

Frank Lopez: Lesson number one: Don't underestimate the other guy's greed!
[laughing]
Elvira Hancock: Lesson number two: Don't get high on your own supply.

[giving an interview] Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.

Shooter McGavin

I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Walter Sobchak

Larry: [on a photography exhibit] What do you think?
Alice: It's a lie. It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and... all the glittering assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they wanna see. But the people in the photos are sad, and alone... But the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie.
Larry: I'm the big fat liar's boyfriend.
Alice: Bastard!

Captain Ramius: Re-verify our range to target... one ping only.
Capt. Vasili Borodin: Captain, I... I... I just...
Captain Ramius: Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please.
Capt. Vasili Borodin: Aye, Captain.

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