[first lines]
Donnie Fenn: Movement. Two men. Approximately... forty goats.
Bob Lee Swagger: They're not on anybody's side. We don't have to shoot them.

Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in glorious mutual funds and take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities and-
Michael Bolton: Samir, you're missing the point. The point is you're supposed to work out what you
[printer starts beeping]
Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter" !? What the fuck does that mean?

Austin: [a guard falls into the lava] What a... burn? [laughs]
That sort of thing could get a man... fired? [laughs] I think he was... hot... for... you? [laughs]
Felicity Shagwell: That's enough.
Austin: Yeah.

Patrick: [while trying to get Kat go out with him] Well, the night I take you places you've never been before.
Kat Stratford: Like where, the 7-11 on Broadway?

Today, five people will become one, with the goal of surviving.


It is not often someone comes along that's a true friend and good writer. Charlotte was both.


Your highness, this is a battle I do not think we can win.

Captain Panaka

Peter Gibbons: Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.
Samir: Of course.
Michael Bolton: Agreed.
Lawrence: [through the wall] Don't worry man. I won't tell anyone either!
Michael Bolton: Who the fuck is that?
Peter Gibbons: Oh, don't worry about him. He's cool.

Beca: We're going to kick your ass.
Kommissar: I'm sorry, I don't speak loser. What did you say?
Pieter: She actually speaks eight languages but loser is not one of them.

Bianca: Can't you just find some blind, deaf retard to take you to the movies so I can have one date?
Kat Stratford: I'm sorry. Looks like you'll just have to miss out on the witty repartee of Joey "eat me" Donner.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ehem... My Lord, I'd like to volunteer myself for this task.
Lord Voldemort: I must be the one to kill Harry Potter.

[looking at an anatomy model of a vagina] Where do you put the penis?

Andy Stitzer

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