Bender: Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Claire Standish: [nods]
Bender: Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?

[greeting a pair of visitors from Jefferson City] I heard tell once of a Jefferson City lawyer who had a parrot that would wake him each morning crying out 'today's the day the world shall end as scripture has foretold'. And one day, the lawyer shot him for the sake of peace and quiet I presume, thus fulfilling, for the bird at least, his prophecy.

Abraham Lincoln

It's fine Scottish weather we're having. The rain is falling straight down and kind of to the side like.

William Wallace

Craig Jones: [points across the street to Mrs. Parker] Look, look, she's bendin' over!
Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy! God is my shepherd, and he knows what I want!
Pastor Clever: [running across the street] Excuse me, Mrs. Parker? Mrs. Parker!

Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher for many years, has decided to retire in order to spend more time with his remaining limbs.


Clara was one in a million. One in a billion. One in a googolplex!


Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "olé" bullshit!

Lou Brown

[as children, Metro Man is given stars from the teacher, while Megamind is made to stand in a corner]
Megamind: No matter what happened, I wa always the last chosen, the odd one out, the black sheep... the bad boy. Was this my destiny?... Wait. Maybe it WAS! Being bad is the one thing I'm good at! Then it hit me: if I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the baddest boy of them ALL!
[sets off a chemical explosion in the schoolhouse]
Megamind: I was destined to be a supervillain, and we were destined to be rivals! The die was cast! And so began an epic enduring lifelong career... and I LOVED IT!

Norbit! Why you run like little bitch?

Mr. Wong

Wyatt Earp: Well, I'll be damned.
Doc Holliday: You may indeed, if you get lucky.

Were these magic grits? Did you get these grits from the same guy who sold Jack his bean stalk beans?

Vinny Gambini

Dr. Evil: [deep voice] Austin, I'm your father.
Austin: Really?
Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up.
Austin: Right. Idiot, yes.

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