Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?

(Allen finds his precious missing car has been recovered)
Cop: From bodily fluids and hair samples we determined that... a bunch of old homeless dudes had an orgy in there.
Allen Gamble: Oh God.
Cop: It's called a 'soup kitchen'. ...A mama raccoon came along and gave birth on the floor, placenta blew out all over the back window there.

John Smith: Hiya, stranger.
Jane Smith: Hiya back.

I feel like I'm in 2 Fast 2 Furious.

Aaron Green

England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship IS England!

Capt. Jack Aubrey

Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: I didn't realize that.

They delivered me on a train, wrapped up like a present.

Bob Lee Swagger

This time it ain't just about being fast.

Dominic Toretto

Patrick: I thought you wanted out.
Cameron: Yeah, well, I did, but, uh... that was until she kissed me.
Patrick: Where?
Cameron: In the car.

Tigress: You would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who knows kung fu.
Crane: Or be able to touch his toes.
Monkey: Or see his toes.

Patrick: C minus, ladies and gentlemen! I am below average!
Sam: Below average!
Patrick: Below average!

Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here...
[lifts up bow and arrow]
Ty Webb: Getting ready for the season.
Lacey Underall: Duck?
Ty Webb: No... dolphin.

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