Simon: [talking to police on speaker] Well, is the ebony Samaritan there?
Zeus: You got a problem with ebony?
Simon: No, no. My only problem is that I went to some trouble preparing that game for McClane. You interfered with a well-laid plan.
Zeus: Well, you can stick your well-laid plan up your well-laid ass.

Marcus Aurelius: And what is Rome, Maximus?
Maximus: I've seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, Rome is the light.

Sam 'Spike' Witwicky: [talking into phone] My car is alive...
[from trailer]
Sam 'Spike' Witwicky: [to Bumblebee] You're my Guardian?

Rango: Is this Heaven?
Spirit of the West: If it were, wouldn't we be eating strawberry Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak?

Willy: Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?
Edward: Uh-huh.
Willy: It's a special secret ingredient. It's real human parts. There's gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally.

Dr. Evil: You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star."
Scott: [snickers]
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Oh, nothing, Darth.
Dr. Evil: What did you call me?
Scott: Nothing.
Scott: [pretends to sneeze] Ripoff.
Dr. Evil: Bless you.

"Due to our tight fiscal situation, we regret to inform you we are still going to have to close your station. Good luck in Sherbune, John. And give your men my best. Sincerely, Governor Fuckhead."

Captain O'Hagan

Jay: So why the long face, Horse? Banky on the rag?
Holden: I'm just, ahh... just havin' a little girl trouble.
Jay: Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.

Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.


People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is that they have the power. You want to see a miracle? Be the miracle.


Dave: I'm walking to my car, and this guy comes up to me. Asks for a light. I say I don't smoke. He says neither does he. So then my heart starts clocking a buck fifty, 'cause there's no one else here except me and him. So then he pulls the knife on me. Says, 'Your wallet or your life, bitch. I'm leaving with one of them'. So I try to brush past him, and that's when he slices me.
Celeste Boyle: I thought you said you swung at him.
Dave: Can I tell the fucking story?

First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

Navin Johnson

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