Ralphie: [asking about Robert's hurt hand] What happened?
Robert McCall: I hit it on something stupid.

Schmidt: Yo Sleepy, wus up homie!, everyone saying that Sleepy he like the Mexican wolverine
Scarface: Why you not talking?
Jenko: My name is Jeff

We've got to be able to defend ourselves, and if Umbridge refuses to teach us how, we need someone who will.

Hermione Granger

You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.

Smokey

Turk Malloy: Watch it, bud.
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling bud, pal?
Turk Malloy: Who you calling pal, friend?
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling friend, jackass?
Turk Malloy: Don't call me a jackass.
Virgil Malloy: I just did call you a jackass.

Larry's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out! Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
Larry's good conscience: For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Larry's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jackoff. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Larry's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever... I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Larry's evil conscience: You homo.

Ted Nelson, Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Ted Nelson, Customer: [pause] Okay, I'll buy from you.
Tommy: Well, that's ...
Richard Hayden: ...What?

Yes, I think I'll have the mahi-mahi, but can I get it with just one mahi?

Shelley

Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.

Socrates [speaking Greek]

Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.

You hear a little girl, Frankie? Is that a little girl, Ace? Is that a little fuckin' girl? What happened to the fuckin' tough guy who told my friend to stick it up his fuckin' ass?

Nicky Santoro

Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

Richard Vernon

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