Phil: You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?

The Riddler

Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You gettin' a dog?

Wat: What do you mean, dead?
Roland: The spark of his life is smothered in shite. His spirit is gone but his stench remains. Does that answer your question?

Melinda Moores: What's your name?
John Coffey: John Coffey, ma'am.
Melinda Moores: Like the drink, only not spelled the same.
John Coffey: No, ma'am. Not spelt the same at all.

Sara: What's your name?
Chip: They call me Chip.
Sara: Aw, you can't get 'em to stop?

Wayne: [enters gas station] Where's the First Presbyterian Church on Gordon Street?
Bad Actor: Uh...
Wayne: Gordon Street, Gordon Street!
Bad Actor: Uh, Gordon Street! Oh yeah, Gordon Street! Uh, I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. But that was a long time ago. When I was young.
Wayne: [looks at camera] Do we have to put up with this? I mean, can't we get a better actor? I know it's a small part, but I think we can do better than this.
[person from set crew comes in and replaces actor with another one]
Good Actor: Gordon Street? Ah, yes, Gordon Street. I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. Long time ago, when I was a young man. Not a day passes I don't think her and the promise that I made which I will always keep. That one perfect day on Gordon Street. That's uh, five blocks up, two over.
Wayne: [choking back tears] Thank you.
[jumps in car and drives away]

You're a funny guy - but looks aren't everything.

Sport

A poet once said, "Only a fool laughs when nothing's funny"

Jean-Dominique Bauby

Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's his name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Bitter Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] Fuckin' dickhead.

Don't you say a fucking word.

Tucker McElroy

How about that? It's a Mexican standoff. Only we ain't got no Mexicans.

Marshal Nathan Van Cleef

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