I'm just lookin' for a little slap and pickle!

Barry Badrinath

Thomas: I'm proud of you.
Edward Cole: Nobody cares what you think.

Linda Litzke: I'm really looking for a guy with a sense of humor.
Chad Feldheimer: That guy, wait, that guy wasn't bad.
Linda Litzke: Him?
Chad Feldheimer: No before.
Linda Litzke: Him?
Chad Feldheimer: Umm, he might not be a loser...
Linda Litzke: How can you tell?
Chad Feldheimer: That's a Brioni suit.
Linda Litzke: Yeah?
Chad Feldheimer: Shit yeah!
Linda Litzke: Does he look like he would have a sense of humor?
Chad Feldheimer: Looks like his optometrist has a sense of humor.

Jack: [In Elevator] Did you hear that?
Nick Naylor: [pause] No.
Jack: Exactly.

In the casino, the cardinal rule is to keep them playing and to keep them coming back. The longer they play, the more they lose, and in the end, we get it all.

Ace Rothstein

In this day and age, what the fuck is this world coming to? I can't believe this, prejudice against - a Jew broad - prejudice against Italians.

Tommy DeVito

[to Terry] Is that you in that beautiful car? Geez, what a waste of machinery!

Teenager in car

Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye."
Entire Sorority Group: Aye!

Poltical Officer Ivan Putin: And the seventh angel poured his bowl into the air, and a voice cried out from heaven, saying: "It is done." A man with your responsibilities reading about the end of the world. And what's this? "I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds."
Captain Ramius: It is an ancient Hindu text, quoted by an American.
Poltical Officer Ivan Putin: An American?
Captain Ramius: Mmm. He invented the atomic bomb, and was later accused of being a communist.

It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Caged Animal Masturbator

It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.

Nigel Tufnel

Turk Malloy: It's ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue we're dealing with here. Not to mention we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We don't know.
Virgil Malloy: We got a bag man.
Turk Malloy: Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.
Virgil Malloy: I have feelings.
Turk Malloy: No, you don't.

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