We're so hung up on this notion that we have some obligation to help the struggling black man, you know. Cut him some slack until he can overcome these historical injustices. It's crap. I mean, Christ, Lincoln freed the slaves, like, what? 130 years ago. How long does it take to get your act together?

Derek Vinyard

Jake: What are we doing here?
Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Jake: Yeah? So I lied to her.
Elwood: You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.
Jake: No... fucking... way.

Ray Kinsella: What are you grinning at, you ghost?
Shoeless Joe Jackson: If you build it...
[nods toward John Kinsella]
Shoeless Joe Jackson: ... HE will come.

H.I.: What are you talkin' about, Glen?
Glen: What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about sex, boy, what the hell you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing." I'm talkin' about wife swappin'. I'm talkin' about what they call nowadays open marriage. I'm talk...
H.I.: [Knocks Glen out] Keep your damn hands off my wife!

Andrew Beckett: What do you call a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
Joe Miller: I don't know.
Andrew Beckett: A good start.

What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?

Edward Cole

Thomas: Everything started changing the moment you showed up.
Theresa: What if we were sent here for a reason?

Carl Showalter: What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, that's, that's, I'm not gonna go inta, inta - see, I just need money.

What the fuck...?

Osborne Cox

Thomas: What the hell are you doing here?
Carter Chambers: Fighting for my life. You?

Trudeau: What the hell is that supposed to mean? I know we're all dummies up here, McClane, but give us a little taste of your brilliant genius! What are we talking about, a hijacking -
John McClane: I don't know -
Carmine Lorenzo: Oh, he's not sure! Well, I'm stunned! I gotta lie down!
John McClane: The only people who go through this much trouble are professionals, not luggage thieves and not punks!

Reporter: What would you call that hairstyle you're wearing?
George: Arthur.

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