Caitlin Bree: You two better quit it.
Dante Hicks: I'm serious.
Caitlin Bree: So, we didn't jus have sex in the bathroom?
Dante Hicks: No.
Caitlin Bree: Stop it. This isn't funny.
Dante Hicks: I'm not kidding. I just came in from outside.
Caitlin Bree: This isn't fucking funny Dante!
Dante Hicks: I'm not fooling around!
Donkey: Hi, princess.
Princess Fiona: It talks.
Shrek: Yeah, but it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
Larry: You still pissing about on the Net?
Dan: Not recently.
Larry: I wanted to kill you.
Dan: I thought you wanted to fuck me.
Larry: Don't get lippy. I liked your book, by the way.
Dan: Thanks. You stand alone.
Matt: Jenna, what are you... Why are you here?
Jenna: Matty, I told you - something really weird is happening. Yesterday was my 13th birthday and then, and then today I woke up and I'm this, and you, I mean - you're that! You get it?
Matt: [long pause] Are you high? You been smoking pot? Doing X? Fallen into a K-Hole? You doing drugs?
Lone Starr: I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.
Yogurt: Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!
The last time I checked, we make our living off crazy.Riley Poole
She was the greatest of them all. You wouldn't know, you're too young. In one week she received 17,000 fan letters. Men bribed her hairdresser to get a lock of her hair. There was a maharajah who came all the way from India to beg one of her silk stockings. Later he strangled himself with it!Max Von Mayerling
[whispering in the dark] Donna. Oh, I've missed you.Richard Fenton
I should've never gotten on that plane. I should've never gotten out of the car.Chuck Noland
Rex Brooks: [from control room] Alright, Angie, after this I need a 50-second fill about the conference.
Angie Jones: This isn't the only story here, Rex. The protesters...
Rex Brooks: Which I don't give a shit about, and unless they set themselves on fire, they're not our story.
In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.Jay
You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.Jim