Coroner: My only question is how did she come to have sex with the dead guy?
Dante Hicks: She thought it was me.
Coroner: What kind of convenience store do you run here?

I want Moses and his family dead.

Ramses

Wow, that was such an expensive looking explosion! I can't believe we had that in the budget.

Fozzie Bear

It's just... I've never lost at anything.

Rita

Dragline: He ain't in the box because of the joke played on him. He back-sassed a free man. They got their rules. We ain't got nothin' to do with that. Would probably have happened to him sooner or later anyway, a complainer like him. He gotta learn the rules the same as anybody else.
Luke: Yeah, them poor old bosses need all the help they can get.

You guys have never seen a truck like this before!

Cade Yeager

Jerry Segel: What? Is something wrong?
Wayne: What do you mean?
Jerry Segel: It's my eye, isn't it.
Garth: Why would we want to look at your eye? Is there something wrong with that... weird... eye?
Jerry Segel: There's nothing wrong with my eye. This one just has no pigment. I'm what you call a partial ocular albino, but I'm fine with it. I have perfect 20/20 vision with both eyes. You're serious about putting on a rock concert?
Wayne: Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.
Jerry Segel: You realise there are certain jurisdictions you'll need to follow.
Garth: I'd like to think I have an eye for details.

"I don't want anymore trouble, do you?"

Colonel Nelec

Stop the penis party!

Womynist

Jasper: What did you do for your birthday?
Theodore Faron: Nothing.
Jasper: Oh come on, you must have done something.
Theodore Faron: Nope. Woke up, felt like shit. Went to work, felt like shit.
Jasper: That's called a hangover, Amigo.

Dr. Finch: Well, the only loophole or way I could see me getting you out of school for any considerable length of time would be for you... to commit suicide.
Augusten Burroughs: You want me to kill myself?
Dr. Finch: Well, if you tried to kill yourself, I could explain to the schoolboard that you were psychologically unfit to attend, and that you needed intensive treatment. It would a staged suicide attempt. Of course, your poor mother would have to find you and drive you the hospital, where you would stay for three weeks or a month for observation.
Augusten Burroughs: I don't know. It doesn't...
Dr. Finch: Augusten. Where is your spirit of adventure?

Professor Henry Jones: You say this has been just another typical day for you huh?
Indiana Jones: No. It's been better than most.

FREE Movie Newsletter