Never attack a drunk guy with a gun.

Principal Gardner

Bond: I was wrong about you.
Christmas Jones: Yeah, hows so?
Bond: I thought Christmas only comes once a year.

It's not a pretty face, I grant you, but underneath its flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

Adam Cook

Patty: How do you go to the bathroom in space?
Jim Lovell: Well, um... I tell you it's a very complicated procedure that involves cranking down the window and looking for a gas station.

Chicken! September 22nd would be a good day for chicken!

Evan Baxter

Wayne: Hi, uh we're here to see Handsome Dan. My name is Wayne Campbell
Bjergen Kjergen: Yah, I know. We've been expecting you, Vane Campbell. I am Bjergen Kjargen.
Wayne: Wow I love your accent, where are you from?
Bjergen Kjergen: I am from Sveden.
Wayne: Oh really? Whereabouts in Sweden?
Bjergen Kjergen: Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords.
Wayne: Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords. Hmm. Kneurgen, that's in the Klargen Province, near the Biburgen River.
Bjergen Kjergen: Yah hah.
Wayne: Now correct me if I'm wrong. Your annual rainfall varies from about 40 inches in the winter to about 200 inches in the summer, and your chief export is modular furniature. I did a report on Sweden in the eighth grade.
Bjergen Kjergen: Well I am impressed with your quest for knowledge. Educated men are rare.
Wayne: It was really hard, I stayed all night on it. Then the next day, in gym class I was on the minitramp and I got diarrhea. I really wish I hadn't told you that.

I can convince anyone of anything. I once convinced a man that a warehouse was the Federal Reserve. So I'm good.


[about Django] He is a rambunctious sort, ain't he?

Calvin Candie

Thurgood Jenkins: [to Mary Jane] Listen, I really like you. I was just wondering maybe if you're interested we can go out later and get some ice cream or something...
Thurgood Jenkins: Damn!

Laura Forester: You talk funny.
Derrick Jones: Yea, well you're short!

Indiana Jones: Marion, take the wheel!
Mutt Williams: That's not fair, she drove the truck!
Indiana Jones: Don't be a child. Find something to fight with!

Poison... Poison Ivy.

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy

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