Chip Douglas: Women are a labyrinth, my friend. Can I be frank? I don't think you listen to her. I think you tell her what she wants to hear. She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is, all the complicated splendor that is women. When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you ten fold.
Steven Kovacs: You're right. That's incredibly insightful.
Chip Douglas: I know. It was Jerry Springer's final thought on Friday's show.

Doug Butabi: Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Cambi: What?
Doug Butabi: 'Cause I can see myself in your pants!

Hey, come on! I'll show you where my dad keeps his gun. Come on!

Teenage Boy Ghost

[as his evil sawn-off hand gives him the finger] Son of a...!

Ash

so, are you a bitch or a butch?

Sam

There's no such thing as nothing.

Bernard Jaffe

Horse shit!

Mike

I Also have this theme song. Waffle Man! Gold and crispy! Bad Guys Are History!

Waffler

Hotel Manager: I thought they might work for the government.
Robert Angier: No?
Hotel Manager: Worse. They work for Thomas Edison.

[when Harry tells Gib to tap Helen's phone] Ok, I've got two words for that. In. Sane.

Gib

Billy and his penis don't deserve you.

Tatum

Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!

Jerry Maguire

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