[being lowered into the pit] I'm not going to have anything nice to say about this place when I get back!

Willie

Della Bea Robinson: The only thing that can help you is God, Ray!
Ray Charles: Don't you talk about God! You have any idea how it feels to go blind and still be afraid of the dark? And every day, you stand and pray just for a little light, and you don't get nothing. Cause God don't listen to people like me.
Della Bea Robinson: Stop talking like that.
Ray Charles: As far as I'm concerned, me and God is even, and I do what I damn well please.

[having farted in an elevator] It was me!

Fletcher

Judith: Have you ever had a girlfriend?
J.D.: Yes... No!
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?
J.D.: Which man?
Judith: Any man!
J.D.: You mean like a tall man?
Judith: Sure, whatever!
J.D.: 'Cause I don't like tall people, they bother me!
Judith: What about a short man?
J.D.: How short? Some times people can be too short, that's weird like midgets!
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?
J.D.: Does that include celebrities?

Oh, grow up, double-O Seven!

Q

Sheryl Yoast: Coach Boone, you did a good job up here. You ran a tough camp from what I can see.
Coach Boone: Well, I'm very happy to have the approval of a five year old.
Sheryl Yoast: I'm nine and a half, thank you very much.
Coach Boone: Why don't you get this little girl, some pretty dolls or something, Coach?
Coach Yoast: I've tried. She loves football.

Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you have to get up
Jeff Spicoli: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you're gonna be late again you butthole!
Jeff Spicoli: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you're gonna be late again you booger!

Dr. Jules Hilbert: What is your favorite word?
Harold Crick: Integer.

Reporter at Precinct: [as Northcott is being taken into custody] How did you avoid capture?
Gordon Northcott: Well I didn't did I?

Jerry Wexler: [Listening to Ray perform "I Got a Woman"] Ahmet.
Ahmet Ertegun: Yeah?
Jerry Wexler: We gotta get this on wax.
Ahmet Ertegun: Oh, yeah.

Anita Miller: It's unfair that we can't listen to our music!
Elaine Miller: Honey, it's all about drugs and promiscuous sex.
Anita Miller: Simon and Garfunkel is poetry!
Elaine Miller: Yes it's poetry. It's the poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. Look at the picture on the cover, they're on pot.

Dan: I hate that I'm hurting you.
Alice: Then why are you?

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