Ladies and gentlemen, when you look at this gorgeous couple, it's no wonder they're a household name all over the world like... bacon and eggs. Lockwood and Lamont!Dora Bailey
Coach Norman Dale: You know, if everyone is as nice as you, country hospitality is gonna get an awful name.
Myra Fleener: What a pleasant thing to say.
Marv: I had to fight some cops.
Lucille: Oh, that's lovely. You didn't happen to kill any of them, did you?
Marv: Nah, I don't think so, but they know they been in a fight, that's for sure.
Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.
[to Amy's ex-boyfriend] You're the guy that popped Amy's cherry!Meredith Morton
Wilbur: Templeton, Charlotte is very sick.
Templeton: Yeah, and twisted.
Brand Hauser: I feel...
GuideStar: Go on.
Brand Hauser: ...like a refugee from the Island of Dr. Moreau. Some morally inverted, twisted character from a saline novel. The hot sauce helps.
So she's kinda fucking cute. Let her touch your penis.Kumar
Graham Hess: [to God] Don't do this to me again. Not again. I hate you. I hate you! The fear is feeding him. Don't be afraid of what's happening. Believe it's going to pass. Believe it. Just wait. Don't be afraid. The air is coming. Believe. We don't have to be afraid. It's about to pass. Here it comes. Don't be afraid. Here comes the air. Don't be afraid, Morgan. Feel my chest. Breathe with me. Together. The air is going in our lungs. Together. We're the same. We're the same.
Merrill: We should save the flashlights.
What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?Garry
Scott: [on Jerry Springer show] How could you do this to me? On national television!
Dr. Evil: Well throw me a freakin' bone here, Scott.
Scott: Why did you run out on me?
Dr. Evil: Because you're not quite evil enough. [audience boos] It's true! It's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.