Bill: [Reading from phone book] The only true wisdom consists in knowing, that you know nothing.
Ted: That's us, dude.
Bill: Oh, yeah!

Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce.

Melanie Carmichael

Mildred: Poor Mr. Herrington.
Lewis: I KILLED HIM?

Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She's perfect for me. I wanted to say something funny, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby Davis: Do tell... which ones? Why don't you tell the one that ends with me beating your ass?

President McKenna: How did you get these?
Professor X: Well, let's just say I know a little girl who can walk through walls.

You have to trust yourself.

Tori

[Mr. Peter Myers takes off the clown mask] Michael?

Mr. Peter Myers

Wolverine: They're ready.
Storm: Are you ready to do what's necessary when the time comes?

These waves are for the big boys.

Eden

All right, put your hands in the air!

Metro Man

Counselor: I want her to have something that she would not be uncomfortable wearing. I don't want to give her a diamond so big she'd be afraid to wear it.
Diamond Dealer: She is probably more courageous than you imagine.

Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.

Marie

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