Some people think the Crucifixion only took place on Calvary. Well, they better wise up!

Father Barry

Harold: Dude, we're so high right now!
Kumar: We're not low!

Simon: Where are my pigeons now?
Inspector Cobb: Pigeons?
Simon: I had two pigeons, bright and gay, fly for me the other day. Why is it they did go? You cannot tell, you do not know.
Inspector Cobb: You mean McClane?
Simon: No, I mean Santa Claus.

Zeus: Ain't no riddle gonna solve this motherfucker?
Simon: No riddle, no code, no fancy little countdown.

Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.

Mikey

It's not possible. It's not dead.

Adam Goodman

There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster.

Dr. Evil

We're finally getting out of this turkey town, and now you wanna crawl back into your cell, right? You wanna end up like John? You just can't stay seventeen forever.

Steve Bolander

Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?

Clark

Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Rufus T. Firefly: So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.

While we're in Virginia, let's stop by Fort Knox. I'll fly a helicopter through the lobby and land right inside the vault. And it would be a hell of a lot easier than breaking into the goddamn CIA!

Franz Krieger

Verbal: Can I have some coffee?
Dave Kujan: Maybe later.
Verbal: I'm really thirsty. When I was a kid I used to dehydrate, and my piss came out like snot. I mean, it was all thick and gross.

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