You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.

Gib

Jewish Student: Shalom.
Fat Amy: That's not a real word but keep trying. You. Will. Get. There.

Cock-smoker!

Jay

Heather: So, are you my mom's boyfriend?
Billy Chapel: I'm not sure.
Heather: But you've slept with her.

Ricky Slade: Fucking embarrassing - gotta ride around town on a motorcycle with a guy who doesnt have a fucking shirt on.
Bobby: Suck it up.

Hospital Nurse: We brought you right back. People die all the time.
Bertram Pincus: Yeah, but it's usually just once...at the end.

I'm just going to shoot you once!

Joseph Dunn

Dick Hallorann: Some places are like people: some shine and some don't.

Mr. Pickles: We're exterminators! Of justice!
Mr. Gristle: We exterminate justice!

Kumar Patel: So, you like, smoke weed, then throw people in jail for smoking weed? That's so hypocritical, dude.
George W. Bush: Do you like to give hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Uh, no.
George W. Bush: Do you like to get hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Well, yeah!
George W. Bush: That makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too!

No one kills him but me! Understood?

Karl

Ellie: I don't see a way out of this.
Jessica: Well maybe there is.

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