Once there was a magical elf who lived in a rainbow tree / He lived downstairs from a flatulent dwarf who constantly had to pee.

Elliot

This entire year's been a waste! I've just blown another year of eligibility!

Rudy

Nobody's innocent in this shit.

Ed Hoffman

Self-Destruct Voice: This ship will self-destruct in ten, nine, eight, six...
Dark Helmet: Six! What happened to seven?
Self-Destruct Voice: I'm just kidding!

What a freak! He wants to be smart, but that's lame!

'Baby' Brent

Don't laugh! There's nothin' funny goin' on here!

Derek Vinyard

Chaucer: Very good.
William: Was she watching? Geoff.
Chaucer: What?
William: Did she see me?
Chaucer: Yes, she saw you.
William: Did she see me take the hit?
Chaucer: Yes, she saw you take the hit.
William: Well, was she concerned?
Chaucer: It was dreadful, her eyes welled up, it was awful.

[to Matt] Sorry if my pits stink man, but that's just the way it goes!

Drew

Ken: I'm sorry about the message last night. The man who left it is a bit of a...well, he's a bit of a...
Marie: Cock?
Ken: Yes, a bit of a cock.

The Oracle: So, let's get the obvious stuff out of the way.
Neo: You're not human, are you?
The Oracle: It's tough to get any more obvious than that.

Frank: I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?
Sheryl: Frank...
Grandpa: Are you kidding me? It was a fucking paradise. They got pool... They got golf... Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a fucking sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
Frank: You must have been very busy.
Grandpa: Ho oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not.
Frank: Really?
Grandpa: Forget about it.

Brigitta: I think your dress is the ugliest one I ever saw!
Kurt: Brigitta, you shouldn't say that!
Brigitta: Why not? Don't you think it's ugly?
Kurt: Of course, but Fraulein Helga's was ugliest.

FREE Movie Newsletter