Justin Shipman: Hey, I have to tell you something!
Torrance Shipman: I'm on the phone creep!
Justin Shipman: I realize that, and normally I'd be listening on the other line, but this is important.
Torrance Shipman: Okay, what?
Justin Shipman: [farts twice]
Torrance Shipman: Ugh! Get Out!
Justin Shipman: Thank you for listening.

Ham: Excuse me. Could any of you ladies tell us where we can find the Al of Al's Toy Barn?
Tour guide Barbie: I can. I'm Tour Guide Barbie. Please keep your arms in the car at all times, and no flash photogtaphy. Thank you.
Mr. Potato Head: I'm a married spud, I'm a married spud...
Ham: Then make way for the single fellas.

Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.

[looking at another toy of himself] Am I really that fat?

Buzz Lightyear

Only unfulfilled love can be romantic.

Maria Elena

[runs into a glass wall] Ow, That's gonna leave a mark.

Tommy

Jenko: Oh, hey, look, there's Korean Jesus.
Captain Dickson: It's Vietnamese Jesus now, you racist motherfucker.

Why did you shoot those puppies, John?

Police Chief

Gwen DeMarco: Fred, you had a part people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my BOOBS and how they fit into my suit. No one bothered to ask me what I do on the show.
Fred Kwan: You were... the umm, wait a minute, I'll think of it...
Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.

Saved by the bell.

James Bond

The future belongs to those who know where they belong.

Jeanine Matthews

[to detainee, angrily] Where was the last time you've seen bin Laden?

Dan

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