Shrek: Go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Donkey: Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess.
Shrek: The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
Donkey: How do you know that?
Shrek: I read it in a book once.

You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits.

Samantha

They probably sit around on the floor with wine and cheese, and mispronounce allegorical and didacticism.

Isaac Davis

Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud.
Peter Venkman: I am a fraud!

Goddamn, you play a mean banjo.

Drew

[from trailer] I'll never get out of Papa's shadow!

George W. Bush

Fail me and you get me next semester.

Patrick

You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.

Smokey

Female Neighbor: Excuse me? Excuse me. Never sleep with that man, never loan him money, and never believe a word he tells you. That's free advice.
Vincent Benedict: Morning, Agnes.

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you're on your own.

Rufus T. Firefly

Sundance Kid: You remember the time you and me and Etta went to Denver one summer for a vacation?
Butch Cassidy: I'm glad you brought that up, Kid. That's an important topic, considering our situation.
Sundance Kid: The night we went gambling, you remember?
Butch Cassidy: We had dinner at the hotel. Etta had roast beef and I had chicken, and if I can remember what you had, I'll die a happy man.

Cartman: I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him a hundred dollars.
Kyle: It's not your fault, Cartman.
Cartman: Dude, I know, I'm just fuckin' stoked I don't have to pay him.
Kyle: Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck!

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