Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Your father pedals car telephones at a 300 percent markup. Your mother works on heavy commission at a camera store. Graduated to it from espresso machines. Hah!
[pause]
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: What are you, dying of some wasting disease?
Charlie Simms: No, I'm right - I'm right here.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: I know exactly where your body is. What I'm looking for is some indication of a brain. Too much football without a helmet? Hah! Lyndon's line on Gerry Ford. Deputy debriefer, Paris, peace talks, '68. Snagged a silver star and a silver bar. Threw me into G-2.
Charlie Simms: G-2?
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Intelligence. Of which you have none.

Cypher: Look into his eyes. Those big pretty eyes and tell me... Yes or no?
[looks at Neo, tears slightly visible in her eyes]
Trinity: Yes.
Cypher: No! I don't believe it!
Tank: Believe it or not, you piece of shit, you're still gonna burn!

The Penguin: You're coming with me, Mr. Chip Shreck, to die!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Not Chip! Please! If you have one shred of human decency in you, you'll take me instead.
The Penguin: I don't, so no.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Come on, aren't I the one you want? Max Shreck, the guy you really want to see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage?
The Penguin: ...Okay, you got a point. I'll let the little prince live.

Nacho: It sucks to be me right now!
Esqueleto: How come?
Nacho: How come you think? I used to really like Ramses. I wanted to become him! But it turns out, he's a real douche.

Congressman: Now Jim, people in my state keep asking why we're continuing to fund this program now that we've beaten the Russians to the Moon.
Jim Lovell: Imagine if Christopher Columbus had come back from the New World and no one returned in his footsteps.

There have been many a brave soldier come to taste my husband's mead.

Wealthow

You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.

Chip Douglas

Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink - yet.

Willy Wonka

When I was growing up, if we wanted a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.

Billy Ray

Ara Parseghian: What's your problem, O'Hare?
Jamie O'Hara: Last practice of the season and this asshole thinks it's the Super Bowl!
Ara Parseghian: You just summed up your entire sorry career here in one sentence! If you had one tenth of the heart of Ruettiger, you'd have made All-American by now! As it is, you just went from third team to the scout team! Get out of here!

Police Captain: What do you think?
David Mills: I'm in.
Mark Swarr: It has to be both of you.
William Somerset: If he were to claim insanity, this conversation is admissible. The fact that he's blackmailing us with his plea...
Mark Swarr: And my client reminds you, two more are dead. The press would have a field day if they found out the police didn't seem too concerned about finding them... giving them a proper burial.
William Somerset: If there really are two more dead.

Dante Hicks: She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She didn't even know I was at the party.
Randal Graves: Oh my God.
Dante Hicks: Great story, huh?
Randal Graves: That girl was vile to you.

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