Bat Mitzvah Singer: Rock into womanhood, Elizabeth. We know that you will.
Reese Feldman: What's that supposed to mean?

Roy: Lord, help me. Just let me know you're there. Love me, hate me, but let me know you're up there.
[pause]
Roy: Hey, I can see our hotel from here. Wow.

Dale Denton: I'm gonna get us out of here!
Saul Silver: No. You're not. But it's okay.

In Mexico, law enforcement is an entrepreneurial activity.

Eduardo Ruiz

Jessica (in Clive's body): [disguised as Taquito; as Carol tries to kiss him] Carol, please! This would be wrong for me in at least five different ways!
Carol Spencer: [pulling away] You mean... you like men?
Jessica (in Clive's body): Of course! What did you think?

Ants: Hey, man, who cut the cheese?
Joe: He who smelt it, dealt it.

You want me so bad, its like acid in your mouth.

Bodhi

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

Girl #2: Excuse me, are you gonna charge us for all the refills?
Truck Stop Waitress: [sarcastically] No, you're so pretty you'll get everything for free.
KG: That's a pretty good deal.

Dan, I lied to you. I did fuck Alice. Sorry for telling you. I'm just not big enough to forgive you, Buster.

Larry

I feel like Danny Glover before he got too old for this shit.

Justin

Strawberry Alice: You just kicked the shit out of an innocent man.
Little Bill Daggett: Innocent? Innocent of what?

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