When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables... but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine.

Maria Kelly

[whispering in the dark] Donna. Oh, I've missed you.

Richard Fenton

We're the law, bitch!


Roland Tembo: Peter, if you want me to run your little camping trip, there are two conditions: first, I'm in charge, and when I'm not around, Dieter is. All you have to do is sign the checks, tell us we're doing a good job, and open your case of scotch when we have a good day. Second condition: my fee? You can keep it. All I want in return for my services is the right to hunt one of the tyrannosaurs. A male, a buck only. How and when is my business. Now if you don't like either of those conditions, you're on your own. So go ahead, set up base camp right here, or in a swamp, or in the middle of a Rex nest for all I care. But I've been on too many safaris with rich dentists to listen to any more suicidal ideas, OK?

Cliff: I begged my mom for a brother.
Torrance Shipman: He'd look a little ridiculous in that bikini, wouldn't he?

It is not my job to be jumping on and off of buses, I don't do that, I am not Carl Lewis!


Is there something wrong with me?

Blanche DuBois

The last time I checked, we make our living off crazy.

Riley Poole

You gotta help me! You gotta help me!


Detective Murphy: Look at these ugly bastards.
Fat Thug: I don't feel good.
Detective Murphy: You're a cop killer. You're lucky to be feeling anything below the neck.

Lionel Logue: Do you know any jokes?
King George VI: ...Timing isn't my strong suit.

When you walk outside, watch your back.


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