Tom Stall: In this family, we do not solve problems by hitting people!
Jack Stall: No, in this family, we shoot them!

SFC Cunningham: Why weren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?
Lionel Prichard: 'Cause he has another record most people don't know about. He has the minor league strikeout record.
Merrill: Hello Lionel.
Lionel Prichard: Merrill's a class-A screw up. He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could. Looked like a lumberjack chopping down a tree. Merrill here has more strikeouts than any two players.
SFC Cunningham: You really got the strikeout record?
Merrill: Felt wrong not to swing.

Ms. Perky: Patrick Verona. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual.
Patrick: Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, hit the lights?
Ms. Perky: Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?
Patrick: I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.
Ms. Perky: Bratwurst? Aren't we the optimist? Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay? Scoot!

Murray: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.
Dionne: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman".
Murray: Excuse me, "Ms. Dionne."
Dionne: Thank you.
Murray: Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.

Ray Kinsella: Where'd they come from?
Shoeless Joe Jackson: Where did WE come from? You wouldn't believe how many guys wanted to play here. We had to beat 'em off with a stick.
Archie Graham: Hey, that's Smokey Joe Wood. And Mel Ott. And Gil Hodges!
Shoeless Joe Jackson: Ty Cobb wanted to play, but none of us could stand the son-of-a-bitch when we were alive, so we told him to stick it!

Is Terrance and Philip affecting America's youth? Here with that report is a midget in a bikini.


They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.

Alvy Singer

Agent Smith: Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization.

Isaac Davis: Chapter One. He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion. Eh uh, no, make that he, he romanticized it all out of proportion. Better. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin. Uh, no, let me start this over.
Isaac Davis: Chapter One
Isaac Davis: Chapter One
Isaac Davis: Chapter One
Isaac Davis: Chapter One. He was as tough and romantic as the city he loved. Behind his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat. Oh, I love this. New York was his town, and it always would be.

If I do not have the three of you married before michaelmas, it will not be my fault.

Mrs Jennings

Juan Obregón: If you want to smuggle narcotics in Senore Espastico Jacobo, that is nothing new, Senora.
Helena Ayala: No, not IN. The doll IS cocaine. High-impact, pressure-molded cocaine. It's odorless. Undetectable by the dogs. Undetectable by anyone...
Juan Obregón: I don't believe you, Senora.

You can come and play now.

Barry Guiler

FREE Movie Newsletter