Gretel McAlbertson: Why are you stealing food?
Ratso Rizzo: I was just, uh, noticing that you're out of salami. I think you oughtta have somebody go over to the delicatessen, you know, bring some more back.
Gretel McAlbertson: Gee, well, you know, it's free. You don't have to steal it.
Ratso Rizzo: Well, if it's free, then I ain't stealin'.

We can teach these barbarians a lesson in Western methods and efficiency that will put them to shame. We'll show them what the British soldier is capable of doing.

Colonel Nicholson

Atticus: It is the gods. They have a plan for us all.
Milo: Perhaps. I saw the man who killed my family. Perhaps the gods spared me for a reason.

You ever had your balls cut off you fucking ape?

Mountain Man

Bo Catlett: You broke into my house, and I have a witness to it.
Chili Palmer: What?
Bo Catlett: Only this time it ain't no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting bad guys in "El Dorado."
Chili Palmer: That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.
Bo Catlett: Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.

Rachel Holloman: Do you think she can derail a train?
Jerry Shaw: She got hundreds of fire arms into my apartment, she added $750,000 to my bank account, she helped me escape from a high security holding in the FBI in a way I'm not even going to try to explain because it sounds so crazy, and she called the phone of a stranger sitting next to me on a bus, I'd never even seen the guy before in my life. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she can derail a train. She could turn a train into a talking duck if she wanted to.

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

Max: What are we looking for?
Charlie: Anything I can use to put a fighting bot together.

Grandfather: It's your nose, you know. Fans are funny that way, they take a dislike to things. They'll pick on a nose.
Ringo: Aw, you pick on your own.

Ray Charles: You'll be called the Raelettes.
Margie Hendricks: Does that mean we have to let Ray?
Ray Charles: Oh, what am I gonna do with you?
Margie Hendricks: I'm sure you'll think of something.

Sorry, Woody, about your situation. But you're a lying asshole. That's like an asshole's asshole.

Bobby Davis

[to Javier] Surprised to still see me alive?

Enrique

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