Steven: I have this friend and he gave his cable guy $50 and then he got all the movie channels for free. You ever hear of anything like that?
Chip Douglas: [Walks slowly towards Steven] You mean illegal cable?
Steven: Um... Yeah.
Chip Douglas: Who told you that? What is his name? I want it.
Steven: Just forget it.
Chip Douglas: You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility!
Steven: No, please, that was dumb. I was just making conversation. Forget it.
Chip Douglas: [Bursts out laughing] I'm just jerking your chain! Ha ha ha. The look on your face! Ha ha, you are too easy!
Chip Douglas: Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts? Ha ha ha. I'll juice ya up.

Did I leave the tap running, or is the apartment getting more tearful? I always thought it would cope okay. Didn't expect it to cry so much. When people cry, they can dry their eyes with tissues. But when an apartment cries, it takes a lot to mop it up.


Woody Grant: So long, Albert.
Uncle Albert: So long, Woody.

I feel a hate crime coming on.

Banky Edwards

Do you know what people say about you? They say you are homeschooled jungle freak who's a less hot version of me. So don't try to act all innocent. You can take that fake apology and shove it straight up your hair little a-
[gets hit by bus]


Oh, a box of trash! You shouldn't have.

Ava Gardner

Storm: Kurt, it's about to get very cold in here.
Nightcrawler: I'm not going anywhere

Before you turn around, you've spent maybe 20, 25, 30 thousand dollars on a movie.

Jack Horner

Carmine Lorenzo: Hey, you gave us that fuckin' body, McClane, remember that.
John McClane: Yeah, I do.

It seems that Mr. Stokes has a grudge against the Soggy Bottom Boys, on account of their rough and rowdy past.

Pappy O'Daniel

But I love Sky. I love Sky more than anything.


Jesus saves, George Nelson withdraws!

George Nelson

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