Anna: I don't kiss strange men.
Dan: Neither do I.

Rusty: The Bellagio and the Mirage. These are Terry Benedict's places.
Danny: Yes they are. You think he'll mind?
Rusty: More than somewhat.

Ohhh, sexy girlfriend!... Bonzai!

Long Duk Dong

Reporter: So... the number 13 doesn't bother you?
Fred Haise, Sr.: Only if it's a Friday, Phil.
Reporter: Apollo 13 - lifting off at 1300 hours and 13 minutes, and, entering the moon's gravity on April 13th.
Jim Lovell: Uh, Ken Mattingly has been doing some... scientific experiments regarding that very phenomenon, haven't you?
Ken Mattingly: Well, uh, yes, well I uh, had a black cat walk over a broken mirror under the lunar module ladder, didn't seem to be a problem.
Fred Haise, Sr.: We also consider a real helpful letter we got from a fellow who said we ought to take a pig up with us for good luck.

This is a new war. And it's only beginning.


One more time, sweetness.

Ernie McCracken

[videotaping Kale and Sarah making out] Soon you'll be the most popular video on Youtube.


I know more about casino security than any man alive, I invented it, and it cannot be beaten. They got cameras, they got locks, they got watchers, they got timers, they got vaults, they got enough armed personnel to occupy Paris! [pauses] Okay, bad example.


Andrew: [to crowd] When I say tit you say e's! Tit...
Crowd: E's!
Andrew: Tit...
Crowd: E's!

Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.


Number 2: Dr. Evil, can you continue with your plan?
Dr. Evil: Of course, Number 2, our plan is SCOTTY DON'T.
Scott Evil: Oh, come on, you're such a lame ass.

Lisa: So, she's six weeks pregnant. That means the baby's due in... April, May... June. Gemini. That's cool. Einstein was a Gemini. So's that Scottish gal from Garbage.
Tom Witzky: Will you go help Jake with his pajamas?
Lisa: If she's late...
Tom Witzky: Lisa, I swear to God, start with the Dionne Warwick stuff and I'll throw you out of the fuckin' window, so please help him with the pajamas.
Lisa: Love you, too, Tom.

FREE Movie Newsletter