Where is Jeff Spicoli? I saw him earlier today, near the first floor bathrooms, is he still on campus? Anyone?

Mr. Hand

Bernie Focker: [hitting toilet with fire extinguisher] I gotta save my dog!
Jack Byrnes: Forget your dog, what about my toilet?

Biology and the prejudices of others conspired to keep us childless.

H.I.

Kumar: Now we're in Newark, of all places. You know we're gonna get shot.
Harold: Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
Kumar: Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.
[2 guys get jumped and beaten with a 2x4 and other weapons]
Harold, Kumar: Holy shit!
[assailants stop beating up 2 guys, look up and pause, then continue with the assaults while the 2 men lay on the ground moaning]
Harold: Let's get the fuck outta here. Go! Go! Drive! Drive!

Todd: You know, what I remember is ME having to drive YOU home from the beach that time, because you were too drunk!
Donny: Somebody else's dad would have had another guy drive home!
Todd: I was eight!
Donny: And you drove like a fucking champ too.

There's more to fighting than rest, sir. There's character. There's strength of heart. You should have seen us in action two days ago. We were a sight to see! We'll be ready, sir. When do you want us?

Colonel Robert G. Shaw

Otter: I'll tell you what. We'll tell Fred you were doing a great job taking care of his car, but you parked it out back last night and in the morning, it was gone. We report it to the police, D-Day takes care of the wreck, the insurance company buys your brother a new car.
Flounder: Will that work?
Otter: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.

[after finding out that he's working for Johnny] I cannot take orders from the underwear model.

Ben Grimm

112 pounds. Black hair. Glasses... Oval face.

Herman Blume

Technically, we don't exist. We answer to no one. And when all else fails, we don't.

Duke

Jenna: What happened?
Matt: I don't know. I can pretty much peg it to your 13th birthday party, when you were in the closet playing that game. Spin the Rapist?
Jenna: Seven Minutes in Heaven.

Exact science, Mr Angier, is not an exact science.

Nikola Tesla

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